Fear

I am so afraid of the place I have gone in my heart. I feel as though I am spinning on a carousel and as I try to get off, it goes faster and faster. I am frightened for the person I so badly do not want to let myself become. I am so aware of how I feel and what I do not want, but I am finding it near impossible to clear all of these things from my mind. I am scared to feel that the words are lies and that the feelings I have are are not shared. 

I dreamt once that I was walking through a forest, with trees as tall as towers. The dark green leaves sang in the wind and He spoke to me. And as I listened I looked but I could not see Him. I started to run. I kept running and running with the trees moving faster and faster beside me. Trying to see as the despair tore through me. Just as I fell to my knees, I heard him speak again. He said be not be afraid. But I am afraid. I try to let go of the fear but it lingers like the smoke from a candle being blown out. And I am afraid.