Fear

I am so afraid of the place I have gone in my heart. I feel as though I am spinning on a carousel and as I try to get off, it goes faster and faster. I am frightened for the person I so badly do not want to let myself become. I am so aware of how I feel and what I do not want, but I am finding it near impossible to clear all of these things from my mind. I am scared to feel that the words are lies and that the feelings I have are are not shared. 

I dreamt once that I was walking through a forest, with trees as tall as towers. The dark green leaves sang in the wind and He spoke to me. And as I listened I looked but I could not see Him. I started to run. I kept running and running with the trees moving faster and faster beside me. Trying to see as the despair tore through me. Just as I fell to my knees, I heard him speak again. He said be not be afraid. But I am afraid. I try to let go of the fear but it lingers like the smoke from a candle being blown out. And I am afraid. 

Fate

I can't help but wonder if it will always be this hard. I try so hard for perfection and although I know such a thing is a figment, I still find myself trying for the impossible. On rare occasions, I feel an ache in my heart for something more. Something more for him and something more for me. The strength I ask for is there. It has been there all along. I have used it in my most critical moments and I continue to use it without recollection. The haze created by my emotions feels like kryptonite and I will not stop the fight against the detrimental effects it may have on my fate. 

"You try to run but you are behind, this evil that chases is within your mind. I help you see and understand that this is me, and this is my hand. A hand of truth and no deceit, confined inside is where we meet..."