A New Start

I would first like to warn any readers that the content in this post might be graphic and not the most attractive of details. However, the content needs to be said for me and other women out there who have had similar experiences as I have.

I had scares before and even though I tried to convince myself this was the same situation, I knew I was lying. With a flurry of butterflies in my stomach, I reached down and proceeded to pee on the little stick. I paced back and forth and stared diligently at the transforming line. Plus sign. I picked up the directions, read them repeatedly, and even tried to read them in Spanish.

Of all the people I knew, I was the last person I could ever imagine to say the words “I am pregnant.” I knew I wanted kids and I knew that I would one day try, but this was just not ok. How could I let this happen? I would say to myself. I was just having fun. And with HIM? What was I thinking?

In the days that followed (the Accepting Period” is what I call it), I knew there was only one option for me. I would be a mother. I would no longer be responsible for just myself. The realization that I had no choice but to grow up hit me like a wrecking ball and I felt dizzy. Maybe that was just the morning sickness. Either way, I knew that it was time to become an adult. I had discussions with my parents who told me they would stand by whatever decision I made. I decided it was time to tell my siblings, all of whom were supportive right along with my parents. My brother’s both asked me the same question “Do you know who the father is?” Thanks guys.

The father. There are a few ways I can go about discussing this part and as much as I would love to demean this person, all I will do is speak honestly about his reaction to the situation. When I called him to tell him I was pregnant with his child, I was ready for him to be upset and definitely scared. Like a slideshow, I played all the different ways the conversation could go in my mind. Still, his reaction took me off guard because I was not ready for him to plead with me to have an abortion. The word never entered my mind even when I first saw the results of the test. When I told him no, he found other means to beg and plead. He said awful words that no women should have to hear from any man. He made sure I was aware of how differently my life would be and he reminded me I would no longer be able to do the things I was doing. No matter how scary all of this information was, the ideas did not sound bad to me.

I will never understand how a man can walk away from something he helped create. I will never understand how it became my “problem” or how it was suddenly my fault that I was ruining someone’s life.

This was not a “problem”. And my life was not and is not ruined…

It is just starting…


To be continued….