Blind. Selfish.

As the anger flows through me like a river through a canyon, I repeat to myself over and over in my mind you are stronger than this. Nikki, you ARE stronger than this. I see the words and the actions that have taken place and I am betrayed. I am betrayed in silence. Is there a point to voicing the irate feelings radiating through my skin? What it will solve is the same nothing I attempted to solve before. 

I feel guilty for feeling this hate. I feel guilty because it is not who I am. I am a happy mother, sister, daughter, and friend. And I am angry for reasons that I cannot control. I cannot control other people and their actions. I cannot make someone read my mind or care the same way I care... or even put in the effort that I have. I am angry that she is blind and selfish. I am angry that he is blind and selfish. I see now that I have wasted so much time and effort. Years in fact. And I am done. 

Will it make me a bad person to be blind and selfish too? To choose to be this way? I am not afraid of my tears and as they trickle down my cheeks, blurring my vision, I repeat to myself I am stronger than this.