Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Absolute Bias

I had to write a paper for my current class Survey of the Performing Arts and I liked it so I though I would share. It has been edited for the sake of length and not so interesting information.

Being a fan of the performing arts dates back to when I was a child. The furious tornado of memories takes me back to the many hours spent with my sister and my cousins perfecting performances for our parents. I remember when I sat on the floor with pillows set up as a drum set; I hammered away with pencils imagining myself as the drummer of the band Offspring. As I rocked out in between the twin beds in my bedroom, my sister and my cousin frantically strummed their air guitars and sang along to the songs. For us, the music was all that mattered.

The most recent performance I had the pleasure of witnessing was a local Phoenix band called Vayden. The show was at the popular Scottsdale music and dance venue, Martini Ranch. The band consists of singer Curtis Casey, drummer Bruce Weitz, guitar player Armin Peterson and Mike Kazmer as a guest on bass. The best way to explain Vayden would be to use words like hard, rock, energy, fans, and emotion. When I think of an important word missing from that list, my cheeks get warm and I would assume appear crimson; that word being, sexy.


I had only seen Vayden perform on one other occasion. I was living in California and my friend Ashley informed me she and her husband would be driving to Hollywood for the weekend to see their friends in a band called Vayden perform. Ashley said it was decided my presence was requested. Before Ashley, her husband, and I went to the location the music would be played, we went to a restaurant where a few of the band members were sitting around a table eating. I was introduced to Bruce, the bass player (Jason Salomone at the time), and Armin. I sat down with no real idea what to expect and kept to myself a bit as I evaluated the conversation at the table.

After dinner, we went to the venue, a place I had never been but had always wanted to go. The Whiskey A Go – Go was a starting place for many famous bands and I was excited to be in a significant place in music history. The band had a surprising following to be traveling out of state and I was impressed when they started to play. Their hard rock and roll style caused everyone in the building to move, even if that was not their intention. As Vayden played, I watched each individual’s mannerisms as they performed and I understood why they had such loyal fans. They were talented performers and their emotions not only radiated through them, the music caused my emotions to radiate through me.


After that first concert, I was excited to see Vayden play again. I went to the most recent performance with the preconception that I would indeed be blown away again and I would be able to let go and rock out along with them. I was proven right. The second time around, I gave more of myself to the performance because I had an idea of what to expect. Vayden has proven to me and their loyal fans that they are going to go a long way if they keep delivering such colossal performances.


Being a part of their audience made me realize how much I have missed going to shows and how much the music and performance is a part of me. I recently became a mother and with that comes immeasurable responsibility. I know the choices I make will affect and influence my son and I hope that one day he will share the same love for music and the performing arts that I do. Although I almost envied the guys performing on stage, I cannot wait to see them again.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Running Shoes

I went on a treadmill adventure this weekend. As I was running, I looked down at my green and yellow Converse shoes (most definitely not meant for running) and I thought to myself how badly I needed a new pair running shoes. My big toes pressed against the inside of the shoe and although it was uncomfortable, it made me smile anyway.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Blind. Selfish.

As the anger flows through me like a river through a canyon, I repeat to myself over and over in my mind you are stronger than this. Nikki, you ARE stronger than this. I see the words and the actions that have taken place and I am betrayed. I am betrayed in silence. Is there a point to voicing the irate feelings radiating through my skin? What it will solve is the same nothing I attempted to solve before. 

I feel guilty for feeling this hate. I feel guilty because it is not who I am. I am a happy mother, sister, daughter, and friend. And I am angry for reasons that I cannot control. I cannot control other people and their actions. I cannot make someone read my mind or care the same way I care... or even put in the effort that I have. I am angry that she is blind and selfish. I am angry that he is blind and selfish. I see now that I have wasted so much time and effort. Years in fact. And I am done. 

Will it make me a bad person to be blind and selfish too? To choose to be this way? I am not afraid of my tears and as they trickle down my cheeks, blurring my vision, I repeat to myself I am stronger than this.