Cappricio

Finger boards and melodies,

perfect sounds played with ease.

A beat that fills the soul and mind,

an artist with a destiny to find.

Progressions played that devour the ears,

emotions felt that lead to tears.

To feel the rhythm deep inside,

a beat with not a place to hide.

This consummate music holds my heart,

as I surrender to it from the start.

Because of You

I remember what it feels like

to want to give my heart.

I remember what it feels like

to want my life to start.

I wake up with a smile

when I get to see your face.

I wake up with a smile

when I think about this place.

I am no longer afraid

when I think of something new.

I am no longer afraid

and its all because of you.

Superman

Looking deep into his eyes, I feel that we understand each other to a magnitude that is unmatched by any other. I have waited so long to feel this way and now that I do, I am afraid to close my eyes in fear that it will disappear like a perfect dream. I only wish that I could explain to the world with my words, the person I see when I look at him. His kind heart makes me want to be better. And he has a strength that I wonder if he even realizes that he has. I wish to see the world through his eyes and to feel the love and compassion he possesses radiate through me like a tidal wave. His breathtaking beauty makes my heart flutter as though it is surrounded by a hundred butterflies and I wonder how it is possible for someone to be so gorgeous. 

I find it fascinating to see the way people handle tough situations and how friends and loved ones will provide support, even when they may not agree with the situation. As I take the time to reflect on the wonderful people I have in my life, I realize that I can never express my gratitude enough to the Lord above. I have faith that He already knows.

Quiet is My Loudest Cry

For the longest time, the words wouldn't come. For an eternity, I felt as though I had no emotions to spill out all over the page. And now I find there are so many emotions I have that I just can't seem to stop them from pouring out of my heart. Its as if a damn has been broken and there is an endless flood of feeling, hurt, fear, loneliness, and desperation. And while I stand in the middle of the pool of negativity, I find myself smiling. I am smiling because I see hope, love, and faith. They create a lifeboat for me and I know that I am saved. I will be held above the pessimistic emotions with the ever so powerful positive. And I am saved.

"Breathing in you're skin tonight 
quite is my loudest cry 
wouldn’t want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside 
and if its healthier to leave you be 
may your sickness come and set me free 
kill me while I still believe you were meant for me..." 

Fear

I am so afraid of the place I have gone in my heart. I feel as though I am spinning on a carousel and as I try to get off, it goes faster and faster. I am frightened for the person I so badly do not want to let myself become. I am so aware of how I feel and what I do not want, but I am finding it near impossible to clear all of these things from my mind. I am scared to feel that the words are lies and that the feelings I have are are not shared. 

I dreamt once that I was walking through a forest, with trees as tall as towers. The dark green leaves sang in the wind and He spoke to me. And as I listened I looked but I could not see Him. I started to run. I kept running and running with the trees moving faster and faster beside me. Trying to see as the despair tore through me. Just as I fell to my knees, I heard him speak again. He said be not be afraid. But I am afraid. I try to let go of the fear but it lingers like the smoke from a candle being blown out. And I am afraid. 

Fate

I can't help but wonder if it will always be this hard. I try so hard for perfection and although I know such a thing is a figment, I still find myself trying for the impossible. On rare occasions, I feel an ache in my heart for something more. Something more for him and something more for me. The strength I ask for is there. It has been there all along. I have used it in my most critical moments and I continue to use it without recollection. The haze created by my emotions feels like kryptonite and I will not stop the fight against the detrimental effects it may have on my fate. 

"You try to run but you are behind, this evil that chases is within your mind. I help you see and understand that this is me, and this is my hand. A hand of truth and no deceit, confined inside is where we meet..."

Vulnerable

In having experiences, the only thing we can do is take from them the upfront as well as the hidden messages buried deep inside like a sarcophagus in a tomb. Some of which we won't quite understand for long periods of time while others will be right in front of our faces almost as if written in some sort of detailed lesson plan.

The people we meet will give their opinions based on the ideas and experiences they have had and the lives they have lived. And sometimes I have found that the hardest part of every new feat is trying to decipher the messages others try to say and decoding the unspoken but understood details. 

On this stage I know what's me. I know what I want to be and where I want to go. Sometimes I feel the need to be greater. To be known and to leave my mark. I worry that I don't do enough and that I am not enough. I have this inner competition which I feel that someday is going to drive me mad and even though I am proud of the person I am, vulnerability sneaks its way in like a snake in the night. While feeling exposed is frightening, I have decided that I do not mind it as much as others do and I love the emotion that runs inside my crimson veins.